Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
