Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
