Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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