I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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