I am puke
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
