you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
