what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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