so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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