Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
