My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
