My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize