i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
