the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
