YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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