I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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