How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
