Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
