Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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