Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
