He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
