All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
where am i from again
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
