Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
