Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
