im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
