Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
