wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Never underestimate the power of titties
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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