Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
