Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry about my life...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
