After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
