just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
