Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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