ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
