i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
