Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
