As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
