Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
