whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
