She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
