You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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