TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
