when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
