I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
