Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You did what with his pubic hair?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
