Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
