He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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