the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
