how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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