I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
