so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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