I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
