Having a random hookup so left but love u
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
