I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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