She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
