I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
