One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
