I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
