I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize