woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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