hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
