Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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