if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
