There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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