I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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