just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
