I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
