Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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