the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
