WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
