around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
