i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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