i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
