he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
