birth control should be required to get into college
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
