nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize