It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
