haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize