I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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