Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
