i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
