I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
