it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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