It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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