Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
