I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
