When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
