i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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