did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
