Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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