I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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