He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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