My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm just crazy horny about you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize