You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
