I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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