Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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