im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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