We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
