..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
