Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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