hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
don't judge my taste in strippers
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
