I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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