I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
