I think I won the penis lottery.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
