I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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