My hand turned me down
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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