I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
