No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Randomize
