he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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