I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
